I had a crush on you all throughout my first two years of high school. We never talked, and I was about to move. So at the end of sophomore year, I tried putting you to the back of my mind. You and my cousin were both graduating at the summer school graduation. I went for her, and when I saw you walk across the stage, I learned your name for the first time. I was really proud of you, and I smacked Rachel's arm and told her, "that's the boy I've been drooling over all year!" she told me I needed to "hurry up, marry you, and make beautiful children". I pointed out that I should probably know you first. She denied that being necessary.
A few days later was my going away party. I spent most of it in tears, that was the day my best friend of the time decided to drop the bomb that we couldn't ever talk again. Ethan texted me, asked how I was doing. I told him the truth, and he said "im gonna have my friend text you. He's hilarious and he will cheer you up." you texted me and we talked for two days before it clicked who you were. I about died when I put two and two together.
The next day my stepdad brought home the U-Haul. You said you'd help pack it if we could hang out just the once before I left and my parents agreed. We spent the whole morning laughing and when you kissed me, I melted. the rest of the day we spent hiding from my family, stealing kisses and avoiding the inevitable. We spent about 3 minutes fighting over the blue chair in the garage, and when you were like "oh shut up, we can both have it" and pulled me onto your lap, I melted even more. From then on there was no hiding the kisses. The chemistry between us was very obvious, and I later learned that not for a minute did we fool my parents that we were "just friends". The next three days were just like that. I spent every possible minute glued to you. I couldn't get enough. I was so happy, even though I knew it had to end.
Then finally, on the last day, you asked me to be your girlfriend. You promised me we'd make it work. You were gonna move there in December when you turned 18, and everything was going to be okay. I said yes, and then we kissed for an hour. (: that was the happiest moment of my life. Actually it's tied with when you first kissed me.. But still.
And then I moved across the fucking country. I don't remember much about the last night of the drive, but I remember having a panic attack and my mom had to talk you out of driving the 1300 miles, and it was just a panic attack. Sure, that's all it was. But I still wanted you to come... By then I'd been without you for three days and I was over it.
Everything was perfect for about a month and a half. I wore your hoodie everywhere. And when I wasn't wearing your hoodie, I was wearing your shirt. When you gave me your moms necklace, I vowed that one day I would marry you and we would honeymoon in Italy so you could see her again. Then the fighting started. The jealousy turned us into monsters. When we broke up, I cried for days.
After that, we were off and on for the rest of the year. When you would date other girls and say I was like your "little sister", it broke my heart. I dated other guys and called you my "big brother" to get you back, but it never seemed to have quite the same effect. Which broke my heart even harder.
About a month before I was to move back, I learned you had moved to Arizona. I was hoping we would get back together when I got back, but suddenly you were gone. And then, about two months into my being back, you moved back. We got back together and things were perfect.
Well maybe not perfect. We fought a lot over stupid things. But I never stopped loving you. About a month or so later, we broke up. I didn't think it was going to be the final one, but it was. You moved to Idaho for a job, and that was that.
When we broke up, I fell apart. The last year and a half has really sucked without you. I miss everything about you. I miss playing with your hair and stealing your hat and trying and failing at keep away. I miss your smile. I miss you laughing at me. I miss you pretending you were going for a kiss and licking the entire side of my face. I miss when you'd give me a hundred fast kisses in a minute instead of one long one. I miss making ugly cakes with you. I miss falling asleep on you while watching tv. I miss you force feeding me pudding even though you know I hate it. I miss you hating on my cheese consumption. I miss sitting in taco bell making up silly stories about the paintings. I miss everything that used to make me smile, and everything that used to frustrate me about you. I miss you so much.
I know you're back in my life right now, but you're only my friend. I'm still in love with you. I've tried dating other people. I've tried getting over you. But I can't do it. My heart still belongs to you, despite the countless times I've tried to get it back. I still have a playlist of our songs. Forever love. Here by me. Far away. . . You get the picture.
I would give anything to have you back. As my boyfriend. My soul mate. The love of my life. The man im going to marry. I want to hold your hand in the grave. I would even let you name our son Dino.
But I would have to call him dinosaur. House rule. (;
Christopher James Portelli, I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.
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