Closure.

The letter challenge was great for me. I didn't finish it all the way through, and maybe one day I'll do the second half. But in the meantime, the first half helped me get over a lot of suppressed feelings and really move on.

Dad:
for the longest time, I hated you. I hated that everyone else in my family got to know you, and I didn't. I hated how easily you walked away from me. And I even hated you for dying. I still don't forgive you, and I'm far from understanding why you did these things. But I'm okay now. I've accepted it, and I've moved on.

Kalyb:
I didn't write you a letter, but you gave me my final closure while I was doing these, so I shall include you. I thought I was in love with you, but I don't think I ever truly was. Don't get me wrong, I did love you. But I don't think I was in love. You did a lot of great things for me. But you also did a lot of damage. You taught me to let down my walls. Then you showed me exactly why I shouldn't. You taught me how to love unconditionally, but then you took that as a challenge to find a reason for me to not love you. You usually suggested great music, I owe a good chunk of my library to you. But you also love ICP. You taught me to love my flaws, but when we would fight you would point them out. You would help me get over my insecurities, only to give me more. You were a great friend. Sometimes you were even a great boyfriend. But most of the time, you treated me like crap. I was smart enough to realize it, but stupid enough to not walk away. I let you belittle me and walk all over my heart for a very long time. And all that time, I thought we were in love. I thought that was part of these relationships. No. We were in an abusive relationship. I still don't think you would ever hit me, but emotional abuse is just as awful. After our break up in march, things started to fall into place. I was better than that. About a week before my birthday, we talked. You apologized, told me I was the only girl for you, we were going to get married and live the life we always wanted. I tried to believe you, but I held back. You had hurt me pretty bad the month before. A week goes by, and then you text me and say "I have a girlfriend." we fought & I cried. But for the first time, I only cried over you for about an hour or two. After that, I was fine. And I've been fine since. I can think about you and talk about you and not a feeling goes by. You're finally a part of my past. And I know when things fall apart with this new girl, you're going to come crying back to me. We've been this way since we were fourteen. But no more. You were never the "love of my life". We were each others rebounds. And I'm done with that. I now have my closure.

Chris:
another ex boyfriend. Well. Without a doubt, I was in love with you. I would have dropped anything to marry you had it been legal during the time we were together. I spent the last year and a half getting over you and thinking I was. But anytime I saw a picture of you, I melted. I thought about what we had, and why couldn't we have that again? Then I would remember why we broke up, and i would be sad for a while, then i would be okay. Recently, I had a dream about you. That dream surfaced all the hidden feelings. I texted you, we talked a bit. And then came your day for the letter. I spilled my heart out. You never read it and you won't read this. But I sent you a very similar thing. A few days later, I learned that you'd been lying to me about being in the army. Now, I was used to you lying to me. But this one hurt. There was no need for it. I didn't care if you had joined the army or if you were still selling weed to get by. That was no matter to me. But instead of being honest, you outright lied. And that I suppose kinda kicked it into gear for me that no. I don't love you. I love our happy memories. I really have been over you. It's the memories I didn't want to let go of. And you know what? I still don't. We had great times together. I credit some of my happiest times to you. But I know the difference now between missing you and missing the memories. So it isn't bad anymore. Spilling my heart out, both to you and the blog, really helped me. I finally realized I don't need you to be happy. I also realized you won't ever quit lying to me, and I'll never be able to trust you. I have no hard feelings for you, though. I sincerely hope you get nothing but the best in life.

Trevor:
you're two people to me now. My brother and the asshole you are today. Allow me to explain. My brother was my best friend. I told you everything. All the most awful secrets I had. All the weird shit that popped into my head at all hours. I cherished nothing more than the nights we would hang out in each others rooms, the garage, the bat cave, the backyard, the school or the basement and just talk about everything under the sun. Those were the best nights. I miss getting so high we couldnt stop laughing and then crying in snow forts. Drugs arent a part of either of our lives anymore, but those adventures are some of the best memories we have. After we moved, we stuck by each others side even more. If anyone even looked at one of us wrong, the other became homicidal to that person. Most of the time, you were all I had and vice versa. You were my very best friend in the world. You've changed so much it's like my brother died and this stranger took his place. You treat me like shit now. Actually, worse. You at least acknowledge that shit is there. I'm nothing to you. Countless times I've tried coming to you crying, and you've ignored my messages. Were still Facebook friends, and I check up on you all the time. It hurts me to see what weve become. You know we've now gone six months without a conversation? What the FUCK happened?! My heart will never stop hurting for the old times. I will never stop missing those years. I will never stop wishing for them back. I'm never going to not miss you. But I have accepted that you're gone. I have accepted that I will always have a hole in my heart. But there is a difference between accepting it and being okay. I know it's real, but I'm still waiting for it to stop sucking.