Yes, I know normally that I wouldn't do that. Normally when people are trying to be assholes to me, I'm an asshole right back. I don't normally care who it is or what it's about, I have to be right all the time. I have to make sure my point is heard, and I have to have the last word. I don't care what price I have to pay, who I lose or whatever. This is absolutely my biggest flaw. I've lost a lot of friends this way, and then been to proud to admit that I was being an asshole and that I miss them.
And I didn't want that to happen with Shannen. . . again.
When we first met, we were constantly fighting. I was set in the mindset that she was an awful person. The people I knew that knew her all had bad things to say about her. I never took into consideration that the people who were saying bad things about her were batshit insane, over dramatic, lying cunts.
And then one day, Kelson tried to get us to fight because we were both commenting on some post on Facebook. Ironically enough, that was the day we became friends. For real.
I remember during the first like two weeks, we had made some joke about how crazy would it be if we became like super best friends and moved to another state and became roommates. (It's a little ironic now, because that is EXACTLY what we're doing.)
And then came the idea of her coming to California for Warped Tour. Originally it was just gonna be for a few days, and then we wanted to explode things on the 4th of July, soooo we extended it to two weeks. And that was the best freaking decision ever.
This whole time since Kelson tried to get us to fight, Shannen and I have become really close. Not only when she was here, but on the plane ride back to Montana, and then the like fifteen hours we spent in the car together over the course of a week driving through Central Montana really helped too.
When I was in Montana and everything was falling apart, everyone else said "you can get through this". But she didn't. She said, "we can get through this." And I don't think she realized how big of a deal that was. She was the first person who really made me feel like I wasn't completely alone in all that.
Shannen is one of the best friends I've ever had. I honestly would be sooooo lost without her. She gets me in ways other people never have before. She understands me at my craziest, and that's a pretty big deal.
So no, I didn't fight back when she was being grumpy. Because it wasn't anything that was worth losing one of the best people in my life. I know that when I get pissed, I say things I don't mean, and I'm a raging bitch. Her and I have been there before. And I never want to go back to that. I don't want to hurt her feelings again. I don't want to make her cry again. I wasn't exactly happy with myself when I made her cry before, when we couldn't stand each other. I couldn't imagine doing it now that we're best friends.
So, what got into me? A friendship I wanna keep. There aren't very many people left who are of much importance in my life, but she is one of them. We may have had a shitty start, but we aren't going to have a shitty future. We're gonna make the best freaking life possible. And we're gonna do it together.
You know, we need each other. We balance each other out. She reminds me that I'm not alone if I don't wanna be alone, and even if I do, tough shit because she's not going to let me be a mopey bitch by myself. She helps me remember that there really are people out there who DO care, despite what my shitty mood wants me to believe. She's teaching me to be nicer, because not everyone was raised as thick skinned as I was. And I'm there to remind her of all the same things, but I'm also teaching her how to be a little more thick skinned and how to say "FUCK YOU!" to people bringing her down.
Lately it feels like it's truly us against the world.
And I couldn't have asked for a better sidekick.
I love you, Shananananananerz. <3
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